not so random thoughts.
first off, unsaved old people never cease to scare the crap out of me. i love living with my best friend and her husband for the time being, and i love the fact that i live upstairs from my amazing boyfriend in the same building. but seriously, this landlord is really trippin me out. he literally appears out of thin air at the worst times ever. my grandma has seriously instilled a fear of paranoid old people in me for life. and this past week has almost felt like part 2.
and then there’s this other thing that has been bothering me. i believe the technical term for this is “haters.” in this case, silent haters. yeah, i just made that up. but some backstory first. i have known chris since he came to my church and got saved almost a year and a half ago but i didn’t start really becoming his friend until a year ago. even before i really got to know him at all, he was with another girl and i never had even the slightest interest in him until this past march. we had this horrible moment in time this summer where the poop hit the fan and i thought there was no chance of us being together. and a lot of people were hating on him for hurting me. but i generally tried to not make the mistake of trash talking about him no matter how badly i was hurting. always in the back of my mind was the words God gave me about my husband coming soon and confirming that chris would be him. i tried to make myself believe that i didn’t really hear God on the matter and that i was crazy. but as they say, no one can stop the will of God, and here we are. and he is down for life with me. after allllllll that drama this summer, half the people we know were incredibly happy that we got together. congratulations were in order. high fives, hugs, the works. but then there’s….. this other half of all the people we know. and they have said absolutely nothing. in fact, would it be going too far for me to say they actually look at us funny and purposely avoid the subject? as if they doubt that this is really “it.” as if they think i’m a total idiot for accepting his pursuing me and wanting me to be his woman for real this time just because of what happened before. and i wish that i could express that this is actually beginning to hurt. and after all that crap went down before, people went as far as to talk smack about how they didn’t understand how i liked him because he’s short, “ghetto” and black. which was not in the original plan. “MY” plan. but God had another one, as usual. and for whatever reason, according to a select few, i’m the only person who apparently God should not switch gears on and thus, i have lowered my standards. well, to be frank, i have changed my standards after all - my physical standards. and thank God i did, otherwise i would not have ended up with the most attractive man on the planet. and funny enough, i’m not the woman he thought he’d end up with either. but it worked out perfectly fine.
end vent. i had to let it out.
